*I (Kristen Baumgarten) am posting this here as well as my personal blog for reasons that are obvious to anyone who continues to read...*
Dear Anonymous Commenter:
Thank you for your honesty and candor. I realize the opinions you expressed are real and I honestly can see your point of view. You are clearly a regular reader of this blog and so you know that I do not hold back a lot of what I am thinking and/or feeling. Please allow me to explain my point of view with the same candor as you shared yours. (Also be assured that this will be the last you hear of this from me. I will not discuss this with others as I am not sure who you are, and you are clearly someone who knows me well).
To start, I would like to apologize to you and anyone who may share your feelings that you feel my blog has been an attempt to seek pity, sympathy or financial help. It has certainly not been meant to be so. I certainly do not remember having ever posted asking for someone to send me money, to feel sorry for me or to dwell on our family’s circumstance.
I started my blog in 2007 as a way to share stories and pictures with family members who are miles away and may be interested in the on-goings of our household. As of late, (as in the last year or so) it has turned into more of an emotional outlet where I have been able to sort through my feelings and therefore have used it as a source of healing.
Since I am not convinced that my initial reasoning for starting my blog even exist, I will be changing this blog to a private status for my eyes only. I still find writing to be therapeutic and I choose to continue to use my blog as an online journal. I realize that you know my family and details of our circumstances and so I will not attempt to sort through who may or may not be offended by my emotional posts. I will leave this post for a week or so before I change the status as to give you a chance to find and read this.
Please be assured of these three things. (I also posted these on Facebook in case you check that more often than Blogger):
- #1 we have repeatedly been humbled and in awe at the way family, friends, and community have reached out to us in the last year. It has been a humbling experience and hasn't necessarily been easy to be on the receiving end of service and financial support.
- #2 we've never asked for or solicited any of the fundraising efforts. Those who have taken the initiative to organize a fundraiser in our behalf humble us. Those who have quietly supported us outside fundraising events humble us. We hope all those who have done either, know that their efforts are greatly appreciated. I understand how it may be confusing considering many blogs concerning fundraising have been posted on the dadnamedjosh blog by one of my dearest friends who shares the same name as I. Her profile/username happens to be kristin and mine is joshandkristen. Our individual posts show our profile/usernames respectively. To avoid further confusion, I will no longer post to the dadnamedjosh blog.
- #3 to our knowledge we haven't "done" anything to cause Josh's GBM cancer or my Multiple Sclerosis. We have each actually been diagnosed and see specialists at the University of Utah and Huntsman Cancer Institute. We are not perfect and while our diseases may be punishment, I hope that they have been given to us as a chance for us to draw closer to our Savior.
We have not used our trials as an excuse to use the good will of others. With the exception of my immediate family and closest friends, I have tried to not ask for help in any respect. It is hard enough to accept help when it is offered. It is very hard to recognize that I cannot do it all on my own, but let me be the first to admit that I know I cannot.
Please accept my sincere apologies for what appears to be an abuse of the good nature and kindness of others. I recognize that we have used more than our quota of goodwill and will keep that in mind as this time during our health trials continues.
Sincerely,
Kristen
To anyone who may be concerned by this letter:
I am really ok. I have had the night to sleep on this information and I realize that it’s ok. We went to the temple last night and I was left with the peace found there before I read the comment that led to this post. This morning, I have found comfort in the words of a song by Laura Story called “Blessings”
“We pray for blessings. We pray for peace; comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering. All the while you hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things. What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near. What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?... When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win we know, the pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home…. What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy? What if trials of this life the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?”
10 comments:
Dear Anonymous.....You ought to have your ass kicked!!!! I say that in the most polite way but appearantly you are a cold hearted son of a gun that needs a lesson in humility! Maybe you need to spend some time serving instead of running your mouth and maybe you should worry about your own problems instead of creating more for a family that is already going through enough as it is! I hope you are ashamed of yourself and I pray that no life altering disease ever plaques you or your family....because you would not be able to handle the "help" that others would most generously offer! Get off your high horse and keep your mouth shut because you just ruined a good thing for the rest of us that actually care imensly for this family and would do anything to ease their suffering!
Thanks a lot!
I'm so sorry the the insincerity and lack of compassion that others out there obviously carry. I don't know you all personally, but I work for Anadarko, and we had the opportunity to do a service project for you a while back and I have to tell you- being able to help someone I didn't even know touched me. My heart hurts for what you're going through and I hope you can press on, with the strength and humility you obviously possess! Best wishes!
(and a sound reverberation to the ass kicking of *anonymous*)
You need all the help you can get AND all anyone who loves you wants to do is help! So sorry you had to even think about writing this!
I'm so sorry you are going to have to make this a private blog. I understand, but I'm sad you have to. It has been a great way to know what the status is without bothering you to find out! Good luck and know that you will still be in our prayers!
I am astonished at how mean people can be. You don't know me, but I live in CA and follow your blog and this blog as well. I am sorry that you have had to deal with such unkindness while already carrying so much. I hope that you can see that it as an isolated event created by a small minded person and know that all others are anxious for good things to come to you. I will miss you and your sweet family and will pray for a hope-filled and wonderful future for all of you.
You know what, this person is a turd! If they really knew you they would know, you have the most honest heart as anyone I have ever met! Truly when I think of you. I think, wow, I would want her to be my mom!! You just have this softness about you that any kid would crave!! Don't change this to private because of someones lack of respect! Those that love you look towards the words you write!! They are so powerful and so special for those that need them! Trust me there are many!! We care about you- we care how things are going and we care about your "pity parties" please don't go private!! TAke care!!
I check in on your blog every now and then to see how you guys are doing. It helps me to remember to cherish the small moments and gain a real perspective on what life truly is about. I understand the want to make it private, There is always, someone, something trying to bring us down and cause unneeded contention in our lives, I found much strength in reading through your thoughts.
Josh and Kristen,
I had commented on your blog a while back and to my belief you had actually contacted my mother when I told her about your story and she commented as well. We are from Plano, TX and have experienced a similar life-changing diagnosis of GBM for our loving dad Barry. I have read your blog periodically as an outlet on how another family was finding ways to deal with the heartache and challenges that a cancer diagnosis bring. I also read it as a ray of hope that it is possible to overcome this diagnosis and find a peace in the chaos it causes.
I am sorry you have had someone taint the good and tranquility that this blog has brought yourself and others. Your family will always be in my prayers and I hope that this was the only occurrence of negativity you have had to deal with in response to this blog.
"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people,
especially to those who belong to the family of believers."
Galatians 6:10 (NIV)
Thank you for everything and I wish the best to your family, as I would hope the best for mine and my dad's recovery.
*Don't stop BELIEVING* (as may dad likes to say (: )
Unbelievable how ignorant some people can be! Don't let him/her get you down. ALL the rest of us are rooting for you!
Kristen and Cute family: I have truly loved reading your blog. It almost always makes me cry, but I often times find myself being a more loving mother or wife after reading your blog... just remembering how precious life is and that it is what we make it. I think you are a great example. I am sure that you are not perfect, but that is what is so great, you are not perfect, but are handling your problems. I am sure some days better than others, but if you can do this, than maybe i can do what i need to do too. Thanks. I love you!
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