A heavy dose of surreality

This is what I (Kristen Baumgarten) posted to our private blog yesterday.

Today was Josh's last day of treatment! There will be 28 days of "normal" life until he has to start another cycle of chemo. He will also have an MRI at that point to determine how effective treatment was. Until then though, I am so glad he will be able to rest more and be able to stay home. Although I just asked him what he thought he wanted to do tomorrow and he said that he thinks he will go to work!

Lately I have been feeling like this is all so surreal. It feels like the weirdest thing to realize that we are actually facing this. We are actually living this. This is something that always happens to other people, and it is always so upsetting and worrisome to hear their stories.

When my friend, Josh Graham, got sick I remember feeling the same way, thinking that it didn't seem real. It was SO hard to wrap my head around it. My heart ached for him and for his family. It just didn't seem fair, but I was amazed and inspired by his positive attitude and rock-solid faith.

Now, even though it has been a little over two months since my Josh was diagnosed, I am feeling that same feeling. I can't wrap my head around it. That surreal feeling was so strong at the Relay for Life during the survivor/fighter and caretaker walk. It was actually kind of hard and emotional. I just kept thinking: "I can't believe we are here doing this," and "How did we get here?"  "How is it that so many people just randomly get thrown into this heart-breaking, scary, and yet faith-building/testing reality?" and "How are we among all these strong families and friends?"

This is just after the walk and I was feeling a little overwhelmed by everything. It felt so good to just have Josh put his arms around me and remind me that no matter what, everything would be okay.

Benson didn't want his daddy to go without him. He walked with him all the way around the track with all the other survivors/fighters. What a cute little man. He is such a sweet little boy. 

This was the first time that we have ever participated in the Relay for Life, and even though we didn't participate in everything, I was impressed by how many people support the event and take the opportunity to honor and remember those who have experienced cancer in one way or another.

We have great friends who put a team together in honor of my Josh and in memory or Josh Graham. One of our friends that organized the team, brought luminaries for us to decorate. Because I thought what Kimball put on Josh's was so cute, I decided to take pictures of what we had done to remember them.

The first one is for Josh Graham and I just wrote just a few of the things that we remember and admire about Josh. (Toni, in case you read this, I hope you know how much we all loved your Josh and how I admire your strength. My heart still aches for you, and yet you set such a good example for me.)

The second is for my Josh and Kimball wrote a message for him on the back. The picture is of Josh throwing a ball with Kimball.

Before I put this post to rest, I have to post a picture of my baby. Eliza is one month old! Seriously? It's not fair. I hate that time goes by and they grow out of the newborn stage so quickly.

She actually has a little cold right now, and because she is still so tiny I took her in to the doctor to be sure that it was just a cold and that everything was fine. The doctor reassured me that she is fine, and we just have to wait for the virus to run its course. The fun part of the visit was that I got to have her weighed and found out that she is now 7lbs 11oz!! Way to grow Eliza! Holy smokes! That's a whole pound and two ounces since she was born a month ago.

Here she is just chillin' in the swing. See how her hair still sticks up all over everywhere? Benson says, "She meeds to fix hers hairs!" He is so cute about making sure I know when she needs me. They all love her so much. McKay is always so good to be sure he gives her a love and probably could never hold her enough and Kimball sings to her about how much he loves her and will always protect her.